A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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