So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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