finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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