this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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