ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
