mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
