I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
nutella sex= disaster
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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