dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
