New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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