Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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