and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
