I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
