im drinking this country out of the recession.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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