My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dick very happy bro
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
