My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
