Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
