Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
