i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
