Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
