Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
PANTIES FOUND
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