I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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