i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
