Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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