And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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