does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
