I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize