ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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