my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
