I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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