i jhust puked up my retainher.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
