Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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