We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
