the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
