I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
