i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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