You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
