we have officially lost it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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