So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
