i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
it was like eating out sand paper
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
