Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
