Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
