can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
