dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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