Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
