i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
