There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
