You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
