Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
