Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
