I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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