This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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