He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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