tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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