If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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